5 Signs Your Ex is Holding You Back From Finding Love
Breakups are the worst. I know how it feels to be laying on the ground in a puddle of your own tears feeling lost. After going through a devastating break up, the last thing you want to realize is that your ex is holding you back from finding true love.
You may think you’ve moved past the breakup and gotten over your ex, but have you really?
Or is your ex holding you back from the type of relationship you deserve?
When coaching my clients through a breakup or divorce, I tell them the most important thing you can do is:
Embrace whatever emotion comes to you. Walk through the door of each uncomfortable, sad, and heartbreaking moment so that you can come out on the other side.
After a breakup, it’s natural for you to “not wanna think about it!” and surround your life with as many distractions as possible.
Two Common Misconceptions About Healing
Believing these two common misconceptions about getting over an ex will stop you from truly healing. This causes your ex —long after the break up— to hold you back from the amazing relationship you deserve.
1. Time heals all wounds.
Time can be helpful friend. However, simply allowing the time to pass -while masking what’s really going on inside- will allow a past relationship to affect your life forever.
2. The best way to get over someone is to find someone new.
Quickly dating someone new or jumping into a rebound relationship may seem like a good idea, but the reality is it’s just a temporary distraction from the pain. In order to have a solid foundation for a healthy relationship, you need to take the necessary steps to heal and establish a solid foundation for yourself.
Heartbreak, when dealt with healthily, will not determine who you are but will help you become who you want to be.
There are strategic steps that can help mend your broken heart, allow you to move on, and emerge stronger than ever before.
Unless you successfully close the chapter of your past relationship, you’ll never be able to truly love or truly be loved like you deserve. Take control! Stop allowing your past relationship to hold you back!
5 Signs Your Ex is Holding you Back
When meeting someone new, on a date, or even in your current relationship do you:
- find yourself constantly comparing every little detail about your date to your ex?
- often find yourself believing no one will ever live up to the connection you and your ex shared?
The fear of never finding someone “as great” as your ex is common. It’s easy for your mind to forget all the negative (you know— like the reasons he’s your ex!) and highlight the positive.
There was a time you were deeply connected to him and that can make it hard to let go. However, don’t forget the reasons he’s your ex.
2. Fantasizing Situations
Do you often think about situations where you bump into your ex? Are you visualizing how amazing it would be to run into him and suddenly be wrapped up in his arms? Do you conjure up circumstances that would force you two to spend time together? Have you found yourself daydreaming about scenarios where you and your ex get back together?
Allowing yourself to “escape” into this fantasy land is damaging to your recovery and ability to truly move on.
Breakups can make you feel lost about everything in your current life.
The present without your ex seems depressing. Imagining your future without him makes you feel lost. However, it’s important you don’t let yourself escape reality in through these fantasies. It’s time to accept the present, face the emotions, and rebuild your future.
3. Ex Talk
If your friends bring up your ex (although good friends won’t bring him up very often!), that’s one thing. If a new man you’re dating asks a question about your past relationship– you can answer (carefully!).
But how often do you find yourself bringing up the subject of your ex and talking about him?
Talking about your ex is a subconscious way to keep in touch with your ex’s memories.
If you’re finding ways to bring him up time and time again in any situation— including reminiscing about a cute story or asking friends what he’s up to— you’re not over your past.
4. Online Stalking
We all get curious about where our ex is, what he’s up to, and if he’s got a new girl in his life. Googling your ex and seeing what dirt you can pull up on your ex every now and then is perfectly understandable. In fact, one study discovered that over 90% of people keep tabs on their ex through social media.
However, researchers discovered how detrimental spying on your ex’s social media may be.
“Overall, these findings suggest that exposure to an ex-partner through Facebook may obstruct the process of healing and moving on from a past relationship,” the study authors write in a report published in the journal Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking.
If you find yourself constantly checking his Facebook page, seeing what he Tweeted, and scouring Instagram for photos— you are deeply addicted to your ex.
If you’re addicted to what is going on in your ex’s life, there’s no way you can move on and be fully focused on your own life.
5. Deep inside- You don’t want to move on!
Unfortunately, this is where so many people fall after a difficult breakup.
If you decide to truly move on– you have to deal with that horrible, empty heartbreak you’ve been trying to avoid. The end of a relationship is like a death— and it deserves to be mourned as the terrible situation it is.
You’re justified, no matter how long or how short the relationship, to feel every emotion that floods your veins.
Does This Sounds Familiar…
If you can relate to any of these signs: your ex is holding you back.
I understand how difficult it is to get through that door and force your past to be your past! Find out about my journey here. If you choose to ignore your heartache and simply allow time to pass, these emotions and situations will continue to live on a shelf in your heart. They’ll attempt to pull you down and will interfere with your happiness.
You deserve to be in an unconditionally loving relationship where you’re able to be your true authentic self.
First step? Face the emotions that are living inside of you.
Second step? Fall in Love….. With yourself!
It’s time to move on from the past, live in the present, and get excited about your future!