Flirting: How to Instantly Increase the Connection Through Touch
But shouldn’t I wait for the guy to make the first move? Not necessarily.
Touch on a first date can be tricky– especially for men.
The appropriate amount of physical touching is a gray area:
- If a man gets too touchy-feely with you… you get creeped out.
- (But!) If a man doesn’t initiate any touching… it can leave you wondering if he’s even interested.
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He Knows…There’s A Balance
Men are completely aware of this grey area and don’t want to feel rejected or make you feel uncomfortable. No man on earth wants you to call your girlfriends the next day and call him creepy. It’s truly a balance between the two extremes.
Fear of rejection and being perceived as creepy can discourage men from attempting to cross that bridge at all.
Still, a little incidental touching can instantly deepen the first date experience and contribute to discovering if the two of you have any potential to become a couple.
It can deepen the initial connection and keep you out of the friend zone. While I completely believe that in most successful relationships the man should do most of the initiating, there can definitely be moments where it’s ok for you to lightly touch him first.
Flirty Touches vs. Affection
These first and flirty touches shouldn’t be confused with affection. Affection is the physical expression of inner feelings of intimacy— emotions that can’t exist between strangers. The first several dates are meant to lay the ground work for those feelings to surface naturally… or not.
If you find yourself interested in a man you’re on a date with, there’s nothing wrong with femininely helping the connection to develop. Even the most confident men can be slow to touch you due to the fear of making you feel uncomfortable.
Encouraging small little touches makes him feel more confident in pursuing you and increases his attraction to you.
So when and how should you initiate touch? Let me show you.
-When & How to Flirt Using Touch-
The Beginning of the Date
Start every date with a smile and a hug.
Don’t get me wrong here… I don’t mean for you to run in slow-mo, leap into his arms, and burry your head in his neck. However, a simple little hug can be a huge ice breaker.
I’m an incredibly affectionate person when I’m in a relationship, however, I was very slow to boil when it came to first dating a man. It took the acknowledgment of my walls and a conscious effort to come across as warm during the initial meeting.
You never get a chance to re-do that first impression. Save the handshakes for interviews. Greet him warmly with a smile and brief hug.
While Sharing a Story
First of all, sharing stories instead of going back and forth with questions (“interview style”) can instantly increase your connection.
If you find yourself listening to him share something from his childhood or even a work story, lean in to show that you’re listening (and to get a little closer too!).
When he shares something that warrants a natural reaction (like “no way!”, “really?!”, “oh my goodness!”, etc), gently touch his arm or leg with your reaction. When you’re at your most relaxed and confident state, this will come naturally.
Simply touching his arm or leg briefly while engaging in his story can instantly amplify the attraction.
Amidst Teasing and Banter
I love the saying, “We are every age we’ve ever been.”
This means the mature masculine man that’s sitting across from you still has that 9 year old little boy in him that wants to make fun of your outfit and pull your pig tails.
If you find yourself entering the “playground” with him— then play back! Jokingly tease him too or disagree with him while you playfully touch him.
A playful touch can be little bump with your body to his (think with your arm to his arm), a little shove, or even a gentle smack on his leg.
Remember— the goal is to femininely flirt here… not to demonstrate that you work out! Keep it gentle, light, and most importantly: have fun.
In a Noisy Environment
Many of my dates ended up where it was a little too noisy to have a true conversation. While it isn’t ideal to spend the entire date where it’s too loud to talk, it can be a fun excuse to get a little closer.
This is an environment where it’s appropriate to be touching your date while you’re trying to communicate something. When your date leans in to speak to you, touch his arm. Keeping your hand gently on him while he’s talking signals that you’re engaged in what he’s saying and that you don’t mind him so close to you.
Non-verbals always go a long way… and in this environment they really do.
During Funny Moments
He’s telling a funny story and you can’t help but laugh. Or perhaps you’re telling a hilarious story and you both start giggling. Or maybe the wind kicked up and blew all the outside tables over and you both can’t help but crack up.
When you find yourself sharing the same reaction or exact same emotion— a gentle touch causes you to fully share the moment together.
You’re both having the exact same experience at the exact same time. That’s powerful!
During this moment, reach out and touch his arm (or even his leg) to emphasize that you’re feeling the exact same way. If you’re sitting or standing close to each other, you could even choose to lean into him while you both enjoy your laugh.
While Walking Together
Your date is going great, so you two decide to relocate to another location. Or perhaps it’s the end of the night and he’s walking you to your car.
Walking down the sidewalk together can be a great time to get a little closer through touch.
If hand holding occurs and you’re comfortable— then great. However, I wouldn’t ever push (or initiate!) holding hands.
Hands are actually a very intimate place to touch one another and holding hands is typically seen as a form of affection. (Remember? You’re not giving true affection on the first few dates, you’re simply laying the foundation to get to know each other.)
What you can do, is gently reach out and touch the inside of his arm. Walking while holding a man’s arm might seem antiquated but there’s something very chivalrous about the act… even if you’re the one that initiates it.
Every time I’ve reached out for a man’s arm while on date, he instantly stood a little taller and adjusted his arm to allow me to fully “hook” onto it.
No Matter What: Keep It Light, Gentle, and Feminine
These small touches can clearly communicate to a man that your intrigued by him and give him the green light to pursue you.
The key is to always be light, gentle, and feminine. You are never masculine, pushy, or over the top when it comes to touching.
When you find yourself interested in a man— it’s ok to break the barrier of physical touch to ease the tension and make him comfortable being close to you. The key is getting to know yourself and following a pace that you feel comfortable with. (This includes all physical and intimate interactions.)
You are a beautiful woman who deserves to understand the power behind your femininity. Confidently start incorporating a little touch in your dates and embrace your own style to authentically flirt.
Flirting on a 1st Date Starts With Meeting a Great Guy
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