Dating advice blog.

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Why is Dating So Hard?

If you’re simply looking to meet new people or for a casual hook-up, dating these days is stress-free. However, if you’re looking for a deep connection and a serious relationship, chances are you’re extremely frustrated with dating. Why is dating so hard?

It’s a fact: singles seeking a true partnership and commitment are more dissatisfied with their dating lives than ever before.

However, in our modern digitalized world, singles have more access to each other (which means access to more potential dates- one of the reasons to try online dating) than in the past. So why does finding love seem so difficult these days?

Because… it is.

Our dating culture has drastically transformed over the past two decades. The way men and women approach, interact, and attempt to connect has also changed. Consciously or subconsciously, this is affecting you.

Understanding (and accepting!) how the dating world has evolved can help change your approach. Changing your approach will ultimately change your results and get you closer to finding true love.

 

You don’t want a hook up or  to “hang out”. You’re ready for a meaningful relationship. Is all hopeless? Let me tell you why it might feel that way even though it isn’t. There are several factors that are making modern dating so hard.

 

How The Dating World Has Changed

It’s common to hope for that “instant spark” before going out on a first date. When you find love you just know, right?

Sadly, this is one of the most common misconceptions about dating that holds singles back from potentially meaningful relationships.

We live in a world that expects instant gratification.

This mindset is affecting the way singles make (or don’t make!) early connections in an extremely negative way.

In the past decade, there’s been an upsurge in the dating industry. With the growing number of dating sites and apps, your dating pool continues to expand. This has resulted in more first dates than ever before.

Unfortunately, this has also resulted in more failed first dates than ever before.

This overwhelmingly large dating pool has affected the way singles initially interact.

Past:  A Dating “Pond”

Dating PondSingles were limited to their social circle to meet a compatible partner.

When a single man met a single woman he could potentially date, he naturally attempted to discover things they had in common. He was subconsciously looking for reasons he should date a potential match.

 

Present: A Dating “Ocean”

Dating OceanSingles have access to an unlimited number of potential dates.

With another possible date just a click or swipe away, singles are now wired to look for what they don’t have in common. That single man is now looking for reasons he shouldn’t date a potential match.

The initial interaction (whether in-person or while viewing a dating profile) has become about elimination: screening out rather than screening in.

This means the man you’re on a date with is looking for reasons he shouldn’t date you. The man viewing your dating profile is looking for reasons he shouldn’t message you. And for that matter— you’re probably completely unaware that you’re doing the same thing!

 

Expecting An Instant (Magical) Connection

So let’s get back to that common false belief: When you find love you just know.

Many women have a fantasy about meeting their “dream man” and magically “just knowing” he’s the right one.

Hanging on to this fantasy could be preventing you from finding love.

Unconditional, committed, and lasting love always starts with two individuals connecting.

In order to develop a true connection, it takes:

  1. Time Together
  2. Shared Experiences

 

After spending time together and sharing experiences, feelings can start to develop that didn’t originally exist. You’ve probably had the experience of developing romantic feelings for a man you initially felt ZERO attraction.  When you first met, you never would’ve considered dating him. However,  you had the opportunity to get to know him due to your to school, work, or social circle. Then, “all of the sudden,” the way you saw him magically shifted. Suddenly, he morphed into a hottie and became your crush.

You never thought about him “that way” in the beginning. However, after spending time together and sharing experiences (tah-dah!) a true connection emerged.

When you’re only judging a connection based on one interaction (i.e. a first date), you’re denying yourself the opportunity to see if something great could develop.

 

Start Screening for Potential Rather Than Perfection

As you continue dating, start focusing on what you actually need in a partner vs what you initially find attractive.

If you meet a man (online or in-person) that seems to possess the important qualities you’re looking for— go on a date! Stop looking for superficial reasons why you shouldn’t! When you’re on a date and he possess the important qualities you need— go on a second date! (Don’t be afraid to flirt on the first date either!)  Allow time and shared experiences to truly see if there’s a connection. If there’s not, no big deal.

Start giving potential matches a chance and stop looking for immediate perfection.

True love and deep connections can happen— it just hasn’t for you (yet!). If you keep approaching dating the same way you always have… you’ll get the same results.

It’s time to approach dating with a new mindset. Refresh your way of thinking and start giving potential matches the opportunity they deserve.

 

Shauna in teal dress.

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