All The Details
So you want to know all the nitty gritty details? Ok sista-friend, read on then!
- How did you become a Dating and Relationship Coach?
- After you discovered that your ex cheated, why did you stay a whole year?
- How did you heal from your divorce?
- What makes you a dating expert?
- How did you meet Kevin?
- Working With Me
How Did You Become a Dating and Relationship Coach?
As long as I can remember, I’ve always been the girl that friends come to for advice. Connecting with others and empathizing with their situations has always been instinctive. This naturally led me down the path of obtaining a psychology degree, studying behavior, and working as a behaviorist for 12 years. I immensely value my behavioral experience and psychological knowledge— but nothing brings forth more meaningful knowledge than real life experiences.
At the age of 30, I found myself divorced from a man that cheated on me. The nine months leading up to discovering the affair, staying for a year to attempt reconciliation, and the year going through the divorce was the most devastating time of my entire life. I found myself heartbroken, single, and having to start over. The journey to rebuild myself was incredibly difficult. It took time and and difficult steps; but I emerged from that painful experience stronger than ever before.
Even at my most devastated and depressed state, I knew at my core one thing for sure: I still believed in love.
Not just I’d-rather-be-with-you-than-be-alone love… I mean real, unfiltered, all encompassing, confident, accepting, and unconditional love.
I deserved to be in this type of loving relationship. (So do you!) I decided I wouldn’t settle for anything less. (Neither should you!)
Before jumping into the dating world, I fell in love... with myself 🙂
The Modern Dating World
As I started dating, I had one realization quite quickly: Dating is hard!
The modern dating world is incredibly frustrating, overwhelming, and discouraging. All I wanted was a good man that was relationship-ready and emotionally available. Is that too much to ask?! There were certainly times that it felt like it!
After 5 years of dating, I’ve experienced ALL the ups and down with dating you can imagine.
I dated in every modern and old fashioned way possible: online dating, speed dating, approached by men, approaching men myself, friends of friends, blind dates, etc. I’ve definitely been the girl frustrated with dating, wondering where all the quality men are, and thoroughly discouraged.
Through the years, I mastered how to successfully date with a purpose. I took the time to understand men, embrace my feminine energy, learn how to flirt, represent myself for the amazing woman I am, attract quality men, successfully utilize online dating, and be an amazing first date. And… it worked!
Real Love Exists
-Kevin and me on our wedding day in Hawaii-
I’m now married to the absolute love of my life!
The love I experience with Kevin is real, unfiltered, all encompassing, confident, accepting, and unconditional. I’m telling you— it does exist.
Now, my mission in life is to help purpose driven women heal from past relationships, successfully date, and find the all encompassing love that they deserve.
No matter where you’re at in your love life, I understand. No matter where you want to be, I know your next steps.
Helping you find love is the reason I wake up in the morning. I absolutely love helping women transform their love life. I’ve met such amazing, beautiful, and successful women that love the life they’ve created… they’re just missing one piece.
Nothing (other than Kevin!) brings me as much joy as helping women (just like you!) find that one missing piece.
After You Discovered That Your Ex Cheated, Why Did You Stay a Whole Year?
By the time I was in my late twenties, my life seemed to be coming together. I was married, just closed on my dream house, and had a career I loved. That’s when everything changed: I found out my husband was cheating on me.
If you’ve ever been in this situation, you know how devastating this discovery is. Nothing in life could have prepared me for how deeply painful it was to experience true betrayal. I felt lost, disillusioned, and broken. Words can’t come close to describing how much this affected me to my core.
I stayed for an entire year in order to attempt reconciliation. I’m often asked, “Why did you stay for a year? Why didn’t you leave once you found out he had been cheating?”
Digging deep, there are 3 reasons I chose to stay:
1. I truly loved him.
Love is such an amazing energy. True love isn’t contingent upon actions.
True love simply… is.
I felt like I loved him so much. I was fearful that I’d never find a connection or love someone else as much as I loved him. My connection with him felt incredibly deep and meaningful. While I was fully emerged in the situation, I was unable to objectively see just how shallow and meaningless the “connection” truly was.
The truth was that I loved a man that lied to me over and over. His actions hardly ever lined up with his words. I hopefully clung to the loving words he said on occasion and wrote in cards instead of believing who he showed me he was. He kept a very dark part of himself from me and pretended to be someone he wasn’t. He put me at risk of STDs for months.
I didn’t ever know the “real” him. I knew who he chose for me to know— therefore there’s no way the connection was able to be deep and meaningful. Still, I felt as though I loved him.
Love is an energy that exists despite circumstance. Just because he severely hurt me, it didn't make that energy instantly dissipate.
2. I see the good in people.
I believe people can change— but they have to be fully committed to the transformation. It’s not something that comes easily and therefore, most people choose to remain the same. You can’t have change without challenge.
At the time, I chose to see all the good qualities in my ex. While being positive can be beneficial in so many ways— when you're emotionally invested it can blind you to certain situations.
As women, we can be incredibly logical during the beginning stages of a relationship. We analyze the man we’re dating from his behavior all the way to clothes he chooses.
Once emotions get involved, it’s an entirely different ball game. We can easily start bleaching red flags white. Bleaching red flags white is when your gut tells you something is a red flag and instead you tell yourself reasons why it’s not really an issue.
Girl, you just did the laundry and bleached that red flag white!
I chose to believe the positives and ignore the negatives. It’s important to believe both in order to objectively see the relationship. That’s hard!
3. I believe in marriage and really wanted it to work.
When I was 19 years old, I was engaged to my high school sweetheart. We were married very shortly after. He was my first “real” relationship and we only kissed a handful of times (due to our religious beliefs at the time) before we kissed at the alter.
As we grew into our adult selves, the issues began to grow as well. I cannot say ONE single ill thing about this man. He was (and I’m sure still is) an amazing, kind-hearted man. We both made the normal mistakes a 19, 20, 21, and 22 year old makes in relationships— only we were married.
Looking back, I wish I was more thoughtful and gentle in the way I treated him at the end of our relationship.
The divorce was a major disappointment to my family. I’m not proud of being married and divorced that young, but I’m definitely not ashamed either. Marrying him at that young age seemed like the only next logical step in my life.
It was part of my journey to get to who I am today. And I quite like who I am 🙂
Throughout my entire life, I’ve always believed in marriage. I believe that sharing your life with that one person who can accept you for who you are, love you unconditionally, and walk through life together is beautiful. I believed in marriage and I certainly didn’t want to be divorced... again!
That fear, mixed with the belief he could change, and being convinced I was completely in love made staying feel like the right decision.
Unfortunately (or now I can say fortunately!), despite all the therapy nothing changed.
How Did You Heal From Your Divorce?
Discovering my ex had been cheating and spending an entire year attempting reconciliation -only to fail- caused me to be heartbroken to my core. I spent many days completely filled with anxiety and evenings crying uncontrollably until I vomited (yep— infidelity is ugly).
Heartbreak is something that’s hard for friends to understand and know how to be supportive. My friends desperately wanted the “old Shauna” back, but she was confined in a box of torment and sadness.
After a year of living in this unhealthy cycle, I moved out into a little house alone. The divorce was extremely ugly (most are) and I had to figure out how to start over.
Healing My Heart
In order to heal you must walk through the door of pain and come out on the other side. Because working through the pain hurts so much, we often try to avoid it.
Attempting to avoid the pain causes you to rehearse behaviors that can continue to affect you long after a divorce or break up.
Two common misconceptions can prevent you from healing:
1. Time will heal all wounds.
2. It’s best to distract yourself when you’re feeling sad.
While time can be a helpful friend and distractions are often welcomed during a heartbreak— simply allowing the time to pass while masking what’s really going on inside can cause a heartbreak to affect your life forever.
The only way you can truly heal is to acknowledge the situation that is present, accept the emotion that follows (no matter how uncomfortable and painful), and allow yourself to experience it.
I Get It
Personally experiencing this type of devastation allows me to empathize with my clients at the deepest level. I understand how lost and purposeless a break up can make you feel. I understand how it can hurt just to breath. I also understand the steps necessary to emerge from this heartbreak stronger than ever before.
As I became empowered to be my authentic self and clear about what I desired in life— I made a very important realization: I believe in love.
I believe that life is meant to be shared with a partner that unconditionally loves and accepts me for who I truly am.
However, before you can love someone else, you need to love yourself first.
What Makes You a Dating Expert?
Dating has vastly changed over the past decades. It’s truly hard for people that haven’t dated in our new digitalized world to understand what it’s like!
The New Modern Dating World
Dating has evolved in so many different areas.
First, the average age of marriage has greatly increased. This means two singles well into adulthood— with their own fully developed lives and their own experiences with relationships— must figure out how to walk down the same path together.
Secondly, our world is becoming more digital every single day. These two factors make it more difficult for singles to find a true connection.
Online dating has vastly and forever changed the way we date. In the past, our dating pool was limited to our social circle. Now, singles have access to more possible dates than ever before (which has resulted in more failed first dates than ever before!). The dating pool became a dating ocean!
While this certainly can be wonderful (you’re not limited and have many more potential dates), it does have it’s costs. With another potential date just a click away, the way singles interact in the early stages of developing a relationship has drastically changed.
When I reentered the dating world, I was dating with a purpose. My life was complete in every other way. I had amazing friends and a fulfilling career. There was just one missing piece— I wanted to share my life with one amazing man that I truly loved and that truly loved me.
My Experience With Modern Dating
In my half decade of dating in my 30’s, I truly experienced it all.
I was set up through friends, attended speed dating events, met men while out, visited Meet-Ups for singles, approached men I found attractive, went on blind dates, dated men that approached me, and of course… online dating on multiple websites.
As the years passed, I became frustrated and discouraged with dating. I still wanted love in my life but it felt nearly impossible. I realized that something needed to change.
From Frustrating to Fun
I took time to objectively analyze my approach. I studied men. I embraced my feminine energy. I unearthed my roadblocks. I mastered how to represent myself (online, in-person, and while on dates) for the amazing woman I am.
Over the years, I figured out how to transform my dating experience from frustrating to... fun!
I learned how to be vulnerable (which is necessary to develop a true connection) while protecting myself (especially emotionally in the early stages of dating) without being needy (no man is attracted to needy!).
I became comfortable letting my walls down so that I became more approachable. I mastered the art of authentically flirting in a feminine way. I learned how to foster an early connection so I could see the true potential of the relationship. I knew how to increase a man’s interest and attraction so that the option of a second date became my decision.
It’s now my passion to share this skill set with relationship-ready women.
I help women become clear on their goals, let go of their past, and figure out the roadblocks that are holding them back from the love they deserve. Together, with great pleasure, we knock down those roadblocks and start seeing drastic results.
We dig deep. It isn’t always easy. You can’t have change without challenge.
How Did You Meet Kevin?
I met Kevin —you guessed it!— on a dating site.
I joined my first dating site 4 years prior to meeting Kevin.
I’m going to be completely honest here and tell you what I thought when I joined a dating site for the first time. I thought, “I have an interesting career that I love. I’m incredibly personable. I’m a pretty good catch. I’ll be in a relationship before my 3 month subscription expires.”
Oh boy! I couldn’t have been more wrong! Online dating can be difficult, overwhelming, and extremely frustrating!
My 4 years online was full of ups and downs. In the beginning, I got the usual creepy "messages." (Is this really the type of man I attract?!) I wrote men messages and didn’t get responses. (Really? NONE of the men I’m interested in will write back?) I had my fair share of hilarious first dates. (I referred to those as “a waste of makeup”.)
I Got This!
Eventually, through trial and error mixed with my behavioral knowledge, my entire online dating experience began to shift. I tweaked my profile in a way that attracted high quality men. I learned how to screen and pre-qualify potential dates. I mastered how to digitally communicate in an effective manner. I discovered how to move from online to offline.
Suddenly, I was going on amazing dates with amazing men. Helping women with online dating is one of my specialties.
Kevin messaged me first. His message was thoughtful and positive. It was enough to persuade me to view his profile.
Here’s another honest moment— if Kevin (with the exact same message and exact same profile) had written me 1 year into my online dating experience… I probably would have never written him back!
It’s terrible— I know! There really is something to screening mens' profiles. It’s so incredibly easy to pass off a great potential match and continue the cycle of dating the wrong men!
If you’re ready to meet high quality and relationship-ready men, then you’re ready to work with me.
Changing your perspective and how you approach online dating will drastically change your experience. If I had given up on dating sites and never modified my approach, I wouldn’t be married to this intelligent, emotionally available, loyal, and handsome man today.
Now don’t get me wrong— Kevin and I definitely aren’t perfect! But we’re two imperfect people that prioritize having an amazing relationship. He truly is the love of my life.
That real, unfiltered, all encompassing, confident, accepting and unconditional loving relationship
And you know what? You deserve it too.
Working With Me
As a dating and relationship coach, I enjoy connecting deeply with my clients and sharing every breakthrough moment.
I’m very selective who I choose to work with.
I believe each potential client deserves to have a coach that can meet their specific needs. I also choose to only work with clients who are truly motivated to make a change, dedicated to the process, and I know I’ll work well with.
Search deep within yourself. If you’re ready to make love a priority and seriously ready for a change, I can help transform your love life.
Feel free to contact me if you have any questions. Even better — Book your FREE 15 minute consultation!
During our Consult we will cover:
- What you want most in your dating life and future relationship.
- Your biggest challenges and road blocks in the moment.
- The road forward. We’ll discuss customized options and see whether working with me makes sense right now, and if so, in what capacity.
- If I’m the right coach for you (you deserve a coach that can meet your specific needs).
- If you’re the best client for me (it’s important we work well together!)